Wednesday, October 31, 2012

October 31, 2012 Some Scary Shit


This morning, I looked in my mirror and this horrible picture was staring back at me.  I thought the Romney and Nixon photos were bad, but this one was the worst of all.  Not only because it scared the piss out of me, but because it is Sarah Palin, spawn of Satan

Clearly, I am going to need an exorcist in the not too distant future.  I'm not far from spewing green pea vomit to be perfectly honest.


When Luke was a kid, he loved to carve Jack o'Lanterns.  He called them "Janks".  I don't know why.  The name, however, has stuck. 

This evening Luke and I carved Janks and they are awesome!  Evidence:

Luke's jank:

Mine:


We made a mess.

Luke cleaned the mess up.

I paid for the pizza.

It was a very good day.

Except, that I am back in the Boot from Hell.  Have been referred to an orthopedic surgeon (the "surgeon" part of that makes me a little nervous.  I've been cut on enough, thankyouverymuch.).

Right about now, Blue Cross/Blue Shield is shitting little green apples about my medical bills.

I couldn't care less.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

October 30, 2012 Punked


I discovered horrible things when I arrived home.  A photo of Richard Nixon framed on my dresser.

The screen saver on my desk top computer had been changed to a huge photo of Willard Romney and the words "Mitt Romney for President".

And this picture.  This one made me throw up a little bit.  Before it was tampered with, it was CB, Roger, me and Karin.

Luke says that he didn't have anything to do with all this offensive nonsense, but he did mention that I haven't begun to find it all yet.  I'm walking around the house looking at all the photos, wondering what will make me scream next!

Updates to follow.

Octoberr 29, 2012 No Picture - Driving Too Fast

CB and I left San Antonio at 4:30 a.m.  We drove north on a brand new highway.  The speed limit on this road is 85 miles per hour.  That's right!  85 miles per hour!  I told CB that I'd drive the first part of the trip because I love to drive fast.  It was fun driving that fast, legally.

Later in the morning, we heard on the radio that the authorities were having trouble with wild pigs running out on the highway and being hit by cars.  We didn't see any pigs, of either the 2 or 4 legged type. 

We zoomed north at close to the speed of light.  I told you that I like driving fast!

Unfortunately, I had to slow down a little the further north we got.  I also drive slower when CB is awake and screaming in the passenger's seat.

October 27, 2012 A Very Full Day

The best place for breakfast in San Antonio is a diner in the barrio called the "Blanco Cafe".  I had breakfast tacos which were soooooo good.  We go to the Blanco just about every time we are in San Antonio.  The place is culturally authentic just like the food.


After breakfast, we went shopping for, what else, jeans for CB.  By the end of the shopping trip, we had purchased a lot more than jeans!  Everyone got something (I got some slippers!) and CB got lots of things.

It was beer time, or a little past, by the time we were done shopping so we headed to the Flying Saucer for beer and pretzels.  You could buy a glass and "vote" for president.  As you see, Obama was leading Romeny.  This means a couple of things.  First, Democrats drink more and second, Democrats drink more.


We went tailgating where we drank beer and ate hotdogs before the homecoming  game.

I may or may not have been involved in an incident with this police officer.

I'm not telling.


Four years ago, University of the Incarnate Word got a football team.  Naturally, that means that they had their first homecoming game.  CB and I have gone to each homecoming game so we have enjoyed watching a tradition being born.

Unfortunately, the team is more form than substance.  They ran on to field through an inflatable Cardinal head, into a wall of fog, appearing on the other side pumped up and ready for battle.

Except that they weren't all that prepared for battle.  And got the shit kicked out of them.

The beer was cold and the moon was full.

It was a perfect evening for football.  Or a reasonable facsimile thereof.



October 26, 2012 Bright and Early


CB and I got up early to finish our trip to San Antonio.  It was colder than crap.  CB was unhappy since he didn't pack any jeans or warm clothes.  (And this is a guy to over packs for every, single trip we've ever been on.)

So we headed south, hoping we'd run into warm weather.  We didn't.

I suggested that we stop at an outlet mall and see if we could find some jeans for CB.  We did.  But we didn't.

Roger and Karin were waiting for us with cold beer and the weekend began in earnest.

October 25, 2012 On The Road

Curtis and I left this evening for San Antonio.

We got all the way to Ardmore, Oklahoma.  When we checked in to the Holiday Inn, the wind was howling and it was colder than crap. 

You are probably wondering just how hard the wind was blowing.  Anyone would.  Well, it was blowing so hard that the flags were standing straight out from the pole. 

This was the most exciting thing in Ardmore and I got it on film!

True story: we walked into the hotel room which had two beds.  CB turned to me and said "Which bed do you want?"  Married too long?

Or just tired of being married to someone who doesn't bend?

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

October 24, 2012 Another Scrapbook


CB and I are headed to San Antonio this weekend.  My friend, Karin, turned 60 a couple of months ago and I let the occasion go unobserved.  However, in anticipation of our visit, I did a birthday scrapbook for her.

It's 60 sayings (most of which are as offensive as I could find) matched up with 60 photos which I have taken over the years.  It's pretty awesome.

I'm glad that I thought ahead about this because it's all done and I'm not stressing about finishing it right before we leave.  I love to plan ahead.  Wish I did it more.

On another subject, I bought 2 pumpkins today and am taking bets on who carves them.  Odds are 100 to 1 it's me.  But, I did notice Luke eyeing them, so don't count him out.

October 23, 2012 He's No Michael Jackson


Mummy dancing to "Thriller".  Cute.  But needs something more.

VP Grant with a beer and cigarette dancing to "Thriller".  The. Bomb.

The only time that Grant has ever danced to "Thriller" with a beer and a cigarette was today on my desk, and batteries made it all happen.

I don't know why this makes me laugh so much, but it does.  I about wore out that little orange button.  I was dancing in my chair and Mummy Grant was dancing on my desk.

You should know that Grant had nothing to do with this.  This kind of creativity only comes about when the student body president has a little down time and $5 to spend at Wal-Mart. (He's a republican so he still shops at Wal-Mart.  I'm working on him, though.)

I love my job.  Love.  It.

The laughter is back.  To stay.

Monday, October 22, 2012

October 22, 2012 Oops.

I can explain.  I can explain.

First of all, I was not drinking.  Yet.

I drove our Sable today because my car was getting its oil changed in anticipation of our trip to San Antonio this weekend.  After work I went to physical therapy.  No issues with my driving at all.  Just ask any of the people I nearly ran off the road.

I called CB after PT and he said that he had just arrived home and could I take him to pick up my car?  Of course  I could do that.  I'm that kind of wife; going out of my way to make life easier for my dear husband.  I should mention that CB had already paid for my car so taking him to pick it up was the least I could do.

So, I did that and I drove that damn Sable home.  I had to park it in front of Luke's 4-Runner so it was like paraelle parking except without a car in front of me. 

While I was parking, I felt really proud that I had remembered to turn the front wheels towards the curb so if it rolled down hill, it wouldn't.  Roll downhill. 

I got out of the car.  Minding my own business.

CB was standing in the drive way and he called to me "You been drinking?"

I thought "WTF?".  Ummmm, I may have actually said that.  Out loud.  In a yell.

Then I turned around and saw this photo op.  What the hell?

All I had to do was pull the car up next to curb, put it in park, get out, and go in the house.

I simply added an extra step:  park half the tires on the grass.

I always was an over achiever.

Then I went inside and started drinking.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

October 21, 2012 George McGovern



Do you know anyone else in the entire universe who could go right to a trunk in their garage and pull out at least 4 magazines with covers featuring George McGovern and a bumper sticker?  My McGovern buttons are missing in action, but I do know they are in a small white box and are sharing space with campagin buttons for Jimmy Carter, Michael Dukakis, and Bill Clinton along with various other political causes ("Stop Reagan's War on the Poor" comes to mind.) 

As an aside: there is an ad in the July 21, 1972, Life magazine, for LPs or stereo 8 track tapes.  Available titles?  American Pie; Godspell, Al Green "Let's Stay Together"; Sonny and Cher "All I Ever Need is You"; Steppenwolf "For Ladies Only"; The Jackson Five "Lookin' Through the Window".  Just thought you'd be interested. 

Back in 1972, I was firmly against the war in Vietnam,  and although I was only 15, became very involved in McGovern's presidential campaign. I have pictures of Ellen Buddy and me decorating Democratic headquarters in Dodge City.  Maybe I should post them.  Yes, I think I should - - but I'll have to figure out the whole "scan, copy, post" thing.  Grant?  Grant? Are you out there?  HELP!

Anyway,  McGovern stood for everything I believed in  - - help for the poor, a voice for the disenfranchised, an end to the war.   His acceptance speech at the Democratic National Convention was given about 2 a.m. but it was wonderful.

Come home, America.  That's what McGovern urged.  Over and over  during those early morning hours our nation was called to "come home".  I remember staying up for that speech and it reasonated with me.  Still does all these years later.

Evelyn  Steimel lost a son in Vietnam.  She became Another Mother for Peace - a national organization of mothers against the war.  Evelyn was elected to be an alternate delegate to the Democratic National Convention.  When it became clear that McGovern was going to get the nomination, one of the delegates stepped aside so Evelyn could cast her vote for McGovern - the man who said he would stop the bombing of Vietnam on the day he was innaugrated and have all the troops home withint 90 days.  This plan, of course, in direct conflict with Nixon's "secret plan" to end the war.

As a Girl's Nation delegate in 1974, I was in Washington, D.C. for a week.  We spent one day on Capital Hill.  I was in the hall of a building whose name has long been forgotten, listening to Bob Dole blather on about something when someone came down the hall saying the GEorge McGovern was in a committee room close by.  I walked away and went in search of my hero.

You see, in 1974 my dad was running for US Congress and was labeled with the brand "McGovern Liberal", like it's a bad thing.  I suppose in western Kansas, it was a bad thing.

So, I had to see George McGovern, this man who my dad admired, my brother campaigned for in Nebraska (he rode a train and campaigned in towns across Nebraska) and who seemed to speak aloud the things that were in my heart.

I did see him.  I heard his voice.  I felt his presence.

Shortly after that day, my dad was in D.C. drumming up support for his congressional campaign.   He got to sit down and meet with McGovern and talk about the issues of the day.  Dad said that, in person, George McGovern was exactly like you would expect him to be.

In his later years, McGovern focused on world hunger.  When he could have eased into retirement, he chose to remain involved and relevant.  About 3 years ago, my brother (the one who campaigned for McGovern in Nebraska) went to a bookstore in Denver to hear McGovern speak about his most recent book.  While walking across the street towards the store, my brother saw a man walking slowly in the same direction.  No handlers around, just a guy walking into a bookstore.

It was George McGovern.

My brother introduced himself and they had a nice chat.  At the end of the reading, my brother purchased a book for me and got it signed by the senator.

George McGovern left this world early this morning.   I hope he knew that he impacted the lives of many, many young people.  Young people who cut their teeth on his presidential campaign and have continued to be politically active.  While he lost his presidential bid, it's important to note that McGovern was right in 1972.  Richard Nixon was a crook.  He was a terrible president.  He did more harm than good.  He resigned in disgrace. 

George McGovern was right.

My heart is sad tonight.  There is one less liberal fighting the good fight.  But as long as those of us who learned how to be liberals from George McGovern are alive and vocal and involved, he will never been really gone.

Godspeed, Senator McGovern. 

October 20, 2012 Mess for a Cause


I'm working on a scrapbook.

Usually I do this in a separate room, off the beaten path, so I don't have to worry about the mess that I make whenever I feel creative.

However, when I was sleeping in the living room (so many months ago) , CB moved a TV into the living room so I could be somewhat entertained and leave him alone for a minute.

The TV from the computer room is now the TV in the living room so there is no TV in the computer room where I usually get down with my bad self and scrapbook to my heart's content.

I can't scrapbook all day without noise from the TV in background so I drug all my shit to the dining room and set up shop there.  An added benefit is that since we can't eat at the table, CB has to take me out for dinner!

Crap.  You know what I just thought of?  I could have watched a movie on Netflix on the computer.  Damn it. 

I made a mess that I have to clean up when, if I had given it any thought at all I could have made a mess them shut the door.

Oh well.  The floor needs to be swept anyway.

So there's that.

Friday, October 19, 2012

October 19, 2012 Civic Duty


It didn't take me very long to fill in my advance ballot today.  There were only 3 Democrats on the whole damn thing.  Not one Democrat ran for a county position.  I didn't even bother to vote for the repuglicans who are running.  This is Kansas, they don't need my vote.

Even though this is Kansas and my vote for Obama/Biden won't matter, it still felt good to vote for that ticket.

On this day when George McGovern is more in the next world than this one, my thoughts went back to the presidential election of 1972.  While not old enough to vote, I was more than old enough to campaign for McGovern and work in the Ford County Democratic Headquarters.  McGovern promised to end the war in Vietnam and said that the Watergate break in was something to pay attention to.  He was a great liberal who was a champion of the underdog, the blue collar worker and the common person.  Unfortunately, the voters of this country felt otherwise and McGovern was beat by Nixon.

Two years later, Nixon became the only president to resign in disgrace. 

I've always been proud that I was a "McGovern Democrat" and, in fact, still am.  A signed book by George McGovern is one of my most prized possessions.

As long as there are people like me and like Barack Obama fighting the good fight, George McGovern will remain very much a part of this world even while his soul resides in the next.  

October 18, 2012 Progress is Measured in Inches

Steve and Angie Land of Heartland Physical Therapy have done it again!

Boot - gone (not forever, just packed away)

Shoes - on both feet! 

Laces - NOT ELASTIC! 

Challenge - tying these damn shoes.  I need longer arms or an ability to hold my breath longer.  Don't even act like you don't know what I mean.

Steve told me it was time to start walking for exercise.  Walking!  For exercise!  Finally! 

I am to start of slowly - 10 minutes, at a time, concentrating on my gait (after 6 months of walking with a cane, a walker, a walking boot and combinations of each I need to learn how to "walk right" again), and building up some stamina. 

This afternoon I went to the ball diamonds and walked part of the way around them, staying on the level sidewalk. 

So, I'm proud this evening.

And I'm thankful for physical therapists who do their jobs well and who don't seem to mind me, well, me being me!   But, since I am paying for their 2 children to go to college, they really don't have a choice, do they?

In fact, I found an old MRI of my other knee and when I showed it to Angie, she said "Now they can go to medical school too!"  Yep, Heartland PT LOVES me.  Loves. Me.

October 17, 2012 Better to Look At


Remember all the pictures I posted of the beautiful trees, loaded with colorful leaves? 

Yeah.

Now those damn leaves are blowing all over the estate and someone is going to have to rake them.

It's not going to be me.

I don't think I am nearly healthy enough for yard work.  I am, after all, barely healthy enough to get out of bed in the morning.  We wouldn't want me to over do it.   Would we?  WOULD WE?

I didn't think so.

I would be a raking fool if I could burn the leaves that I rake up.  Burning leaves is just about my favorite smell in the world.  Too bad we can't burn them in Wamego.  (Please go back and read that last sentence with a good bit of sarcasm.  Thanks.)

October 16, 2012 I am NOT Making This Shit Up




All of these stickers were on ONE vehicle parked outside of the bar on Wamego's main street. 

A couple of observations:  this person hates taxes.  This person supports a chapter of the Vietnam veterans.  If this person is a vet, then taxes are what paid his/her salary and perhaps his/her pension and perhaps his/her GI bill education.

I don't get the new math sticker.  Maybe because I don't understand math in the first place and maybe because I am not a right wing nut job in the second place.  I don't think it makes much sense to have a bumper sticker that people don't understand.  Do you?

Comparing Jane Fonda to Hitler is a bit problematic for me as well.  I'll just leave it at that.

Wanting Obama to be a speed bump?  I can at least understand that because I think Bush, Cheney, Ashcroft, Romney, Ryan, Limbaugh, Beck, Coulter, all lined up would make a wonderful set of rumble strips.


October 15, 2012 Breast Cancer Sucks

Not so very long ago, a dear friend of mine died from complications related to treatment for her breast cancer.  Pissed me off, not to put too fine a point on it.

We can put a man on the moon but we can't find a cure for cancer?  I don't get it.  There is some ground breaking research going on around the country (and around the KSU campus) so perhaps during my lifetime a cure will be found.

The sister of my traveling buddy, Kimber, is a firefighter in San Francisco.  Chris, a single mother of 2 darling girls, is a tough, strong woman whom I greatly admire.  When I read about her activities on Facebook it makes me tired.  She is always going and doing and building loads of memories for her kids. 

Anyway, Chris is a firefighter and her station (Chris, if you are reading this, don't scream, I know I don't have all the terms right) sold these shirts and I knew I had to have one.  Not only to support the cause to find a cure, but also because this is considered a uniform shirt for the firefighters.  When I wear it, I feel so strong and secure and ready to save babies from a burning building. 

Now, we all know that I am in no condition to save anyone from a burning building, least of all babies, so it's good for me to have a rich fantasy life.

One story I want to tell you about Chris.  She posted on Facebook that one of her little girls got bit by another child either at school or some activity.  Chris asked for suggestions on dealing with the situation.  Crazy Aunt Sarah's advice:  Bite the bitch back.

Haven't heard from Chris since.

October 14, 2012 New Floor

One of the few things I don't like about my house is the wood floor in the dining room and kitchen.  I love how it looks, but it's in bad shape.  I'm sure you all remember the time I was trying to scoot my chair in and it wouldn't scoot because the planks were uneven and my chair broke and I fell to the floor.  And at some point wet my pants in the process. 

It is time for a new floor.  Don't tell CB.  He is not on board with this.  Keep in mind that I have been using a stove with one broken burner for the past 8 years.  But who's counting. 

I am.  That's who.

I digress.

While chatting on line with 2 strange men both of whom said they knew how to put in hard wood (I think they were talking about floors.  Weren't they?) I decided to invite them to my house for a long weekend and we'd get the job done. 

Still talking about floors.

They readily agreed and began talking about who was going to bring the nail gun and who was going to bring some kind of saw. 

See, I told you we were talking about floors.

I said I'd provide the alcohol because, after all, you can't operate heavy equipment without alcohol.

In case some of you are worried about early onset Alzheimer's, I do know the 2 guys - we've been friends for 30 years - and it's high time for a reunion.

Speaking of high, one of them asked who was going to provide the medicinal marijuana since we are all so old and most certainly a job of this kind will make our backs hurt.  I volunteered several of my clients.

I kid.  I kid.

We are shooting for sometime during Christmas Break.  If it happens, there will be so many pictures of proving that drunks can get the job done.

Again, do not tell CB.  I think he'll just have to wake up one morning and see the kitchen torn up.  It will be better that way.

It's easier to ask for forgivness than to ask for permission.

October 13, 2012 Confused.


As my brother and sister in law in San Antonio can attest to, the only state worse than Kansas in oh so many ways is Texas. 

Imagine my surprise when I saw this flag flying a top a new building by the mall.  I know it's going to be a Texas Roadhouse, and I do love their food, but do they have to fly the frickin' Texas state flag?

When I see that flag I think of all the people Texas has wrongfully executed.  I think of that no good, war mongering, right wing asshole George Bush.  I think of the fact that you can drive for an entire day and STILL be in the damn state surrounded by the burnt orange of Longhorns fans.

It won't be long, I suppose, that, like Pavlov's dogs, I'll see the flag of Texas and my mouth will start watering for prime rib.  But, I'll still hate Texas.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

10-11-12 Fun Date


VP Grant has taken on the role of being my iPhone/computer guru.  He is responsible for me being on Twitter (@thecrazylawyer), for using my iPhone to nearly its fullest capacity and for closing my hotmail account.  

He's a great kid and is well on his way to becoming this year's Paul Mintner of Say Cheese! Grant is all over that goal too.  He even takes the picture then emails it to me.  Subject line:  "For the blog"!


On another note, the colors of the trees in Manhattan are spectacular.




The first tree picture?  It's in my backyard.  I don't have to drive to Manhattan to see it.  I get to enjoy it every single day.  

I'm lucky that way.

By the way, in addition to VP Grant being my tech support guy, he makes me laugh.  

You see, laughter really IS back in the Office of Student Activities and Services.

October 10, 2012 Big Day in My Office

This is the view from the door of my office.  It was like a maze getting to work this morning.  For some reason, the court yard is being used as a cheap clothing store.  It's crazy.  And it pisses me off that walking to my office involves some knucklehead wanting to search my bag and dodging 100's of students who are shopping for a great deal.

Oh, and it smells.


This trolley was sitting in the hallway right outside my door begging for mischief to take place.  If you were really quiet, you could actually hear it begging "please, please, use me to make mischief."  Far be it for me to let mischief go unmade.


Both the student body president, Nate/Nick and the student body vice president, Grant, were willing partners in my craziness.

They jumped on the trolley and went for rides up and down the hallway.


Don't you think that Nate/Nate (on the left) looks like a cardboard cutout?  

It was the best physical therapy I've had in several months.

And the most fun!

Laughter is back in the Office of Student Activities and Services!

I am so very glad.

I'm quite a laugher, you know.

October 9, 2012 A Reason to Get Up In the Morning


I had to be up early this morning.  Earlier than usual, but later than before dawn, like last Friday.  I timed my departure from Casa Barr to coincide with this gorgeous sunrise.  The sky was brilliant with yellows, oranges, pinks, and blues.  Well, maybe not so much blues, but lots of colors, nonetheless.

It's a good thing that I was traveling west and not east this morning.  I'm afraid  I would have been too busy watching the sun come up and not paying attention to the business at hand.  In a nutshell, I would have wrapped my car around some stationary object.

Every day holds such promise,doesn't it?  Such promise.

Monday, October 8, 2012

October 8, 2012 So Glad I Planned Ahead


Remember several weeks/months ago when I was cooking like a crazy woman (yes, I know that is what happens every time I'm in the kitchen)? I was filling my freezer for nights when I had better things to do than cook.

Tonight is one of those nights!  I planned ahead, thawed a casserole, put that bad boy in the oven and updated my blog. 


Aren't we all so grateful for my forethought?

Oh, and I also got to walk for 20 minutes without my boot.  It was good.  No pain, so maybe, just maybe I'm getting better?

October 7, 2012 Another Pretty Good Day


My other son, Paul, frequent contributor to last year's blog, was in Manhattan for the KU-K State game this weekend.  We met for breakfast on Sunday morning at Bob's.  I could tell Paul had had a good time during his visit because he drank a whole lot of water!  I remember those hungover days of wanting nothing but a greasy breakfast and a gallon of water.

It was so great to see Paul and hear all about his new job and his new life in Iowa City.  He is headed for big things and I am so glad I'm along for the ride.  We have agreed that I will wait to go for a visit until he gets furniture.  Dang, if I had to sit on the floor, that's where my fat, crippled ass would stay until Iowa City Crane and Towing came to lift me up!

As if seeing Paul wasn't excitement enough, I got to put on my real left  shoe and walk for 20 minutes.  It felt great to walk like a regular person.  Okay, maybe not a regular person because I had to use my walker. (thank you Steve Land for those instructions)


Here's proof that I do have matching trainers.
And can find them.  (it wasn't easy, I might say...I haven't needed a left shoe for THREE months.)

October 6, 2012 Pretty Good Day


A long, long time ago, the Smith family and the Roy family intersected in several ways.  In 1972, Dad and Dr. Bill were running for national offices, as Democrats.  In the mid-1970s, Brother and Bill, Jr., were roommates in law school.  In 1981, Dr. Bill was my OB/GYN and would have delivered Luke had he not been on vacation (Dr. Bill, not Luke). In the late 1990s, Dad was elected to the Kansas Legislature, and Bill, Jr., was his "mentor".

Bill Jr.'s wife, Juanita, is running for office in the Overland Park area (all those JOCO towns run together to me so I call them all "Overland Park").  It was cool to see a yard sign of someone I knew.  And of someone who wasn't a repuglican..

I spent the night with my sister in law who was having furnace trouble.  Apparently there was some concern about leaking carbon monoxide.  She gave some thought to running the furnace long enough to "take the chill off the house" this morning but then she figured if it killed me, a warm house would be overrated.  My flannel jammies and I got along just fine.

I spent the day with my friend, Jennifer, a KSU grad and mother to sweet Evie.  We packed a lot of living into today.  We went to Penzkey's Spices in old Overland Park then tootled around the farmer's market.  Then on to Krispy Kreme doughnuts.  There is no reason to ask why.  Nor is there any reason for me to explain why.

Lunch at On the Border.  Paid booth rental and stayed for way longer than it took to eat.  Then, we had to check out "Cupcakes Ala Mode" to inquire about birthday cupcakes for Baby Evie's first birthday.  While we were there we HAD to buy several cupcakes.  I mean, we couldn't just stand in line for information, could we?  No.  We could not.

I brought home Salted Caramel and some kind of chocolate with a caramel center, chocolate frosting topped with pecans.

That wonderful store made me want to open a cupcake bakery in Wamego.

What with me being in such great health and able to be on my feet for hours on end, I can't think of a better idea.

It was the best day I've had in a long time.

October 5, 2012 Kansas City

Long story short (Oh. Right.  Like that's ever going to happen around here...) - - I signed up for a continuing legal education (CLE) seminar in downtown Kansas City today.  What was I thinking?  Did I forget that I get lost EVERY SINGLE time I drive in KC?  And that this has been the case since 1987?  And that it doesn't matter how many maps I have or how many times I rehearse the trip in my mind?  And that rush hour traffic makes me throw up a little?

I must have forgotten all of that, because at 5 a.m. I was on my way to KC hoping like hell that the 7 maps, the GPS, the hand written directions and the MapQuest directions would be enough to get me where I was going.

It was, in fact, enough.  Except for the GPS which was in the trunk of my car.  I don't know why.

Naturally, the first place I had to visit upon arriving an hour and a half early to the seminar was the ladies' room.  Naturally, I used the handicapped stall because, after all, I am handicapped.  Oh. Yes. I. Am. And I have the parking placard to prove it.

I thought it was interesting that this high dollar law firm on the 29th floor of a modern building in downtown Kansas City provided Lysol spray in the bathroom stall.  I mean, one can never have enough odor covering, bacteria killing spray in a bathroom stall, right?



But, later that day, I returned to the ladies' room and used a different stall.  This is important only because the "regular" stalls did not have Lysol spray in them.

What does this mean?

Only handicapped people do things in the bathroom that require Lysol?  That's really not very nice.  Maybe the Lysol budget has been cut and there can only be one can of Lysol per bathroom.  Instead of asking for toilet paper, the ladies just ask is someone can pass them the Lysol.

Wouldn't it be embarrassing if you were there, doing what you do, minding your own business, and all of sudden, a hand appears under the wall of your stall.  The hand is holding the Lysol can.  I would shit little green apples.

But I'd be in the right place.


October 4, 2012 Only Half the Story

Today was a great day.  Fall is in the air and the leaves are putting on their party clothes.  This tree is in our backyard and I spend every Fall watching it change from green to red to burgundy to orange to yellow. 

Clearly, the colorful journey has begun.


But, the fun stuff of the day happened late in the afternoon in my office.  VP Grant and Speaker of the Student Senate Emily came in and over the period of an hour or so laughed about my blog (they even quoted bits of it), showed me several crazy videos and.....wait for it.......

taught me about Twitter!

They had NO idea what kind of havoc they were unleashing on the world.  You'd think they'd be smarter than that after reading my blog and all.  I am not a responsible adult.  

I am "thecrazylawyer" on Twitter.  My very first tweet was "Bitch get your bare feet off my chair."  (Truth be told, Emily had her bare feet on my chair.  Further truth, she is NOT a bitch.)

My tweets are just like my blog, only more spontaneous and shorter.  They both lack the filter of good taste, so there's that added benefit.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

October 3, 2012 New Kid on the Block

This charming young man is the vice president of the student body of Kansas State.  I've had the opportunity to chat with him several times over the past couple of days.  He's a hoot.  He's committed to the students of Kansas State and works long hours representing them.  Welcome to my blog, Grant.  You are in good company (sometimes....sometimes, not so much.)

As we all know, the vice presidents do all the work while the presidents get all the glory.  (Just kidding Nate/Nick.  You know that I think you work hard.  Sometimes.)

This is a true story, when I took this photo Grant was reading my blog! 

Now, here is something that is going to make you choke on your tongue.  With my new phone, I have learned how to download stuff and make ringtones.  "Monster Mash" is my ring tone and Winston Churchill telling me that we will defend our island no matter the cost plays when I get a text message.

That's all fine and good when my phone is in my purse or sitting on my desk.

But, it was in my pocket and I was in the ladies' room taking a break before driving home.  There I was minding my own business when out of nowhere came Sir Winston's voice.

Scared the piss out of me.

I was in the right place for it.

The end.

October 1, 2012 Because She's My Sister

If you were to see my sister in person, you would not believe that this is her all dressed up and ready to party.

Too bad about her front tooth, she knocked it out while chasing a parked car.  It was a sad day when she realized that losing that tooth was going to take a toll on her corn on the cob eatting.  A sad day indeed.  It took her a long time to pick out those glasses too.  She couldn't decide between these and blue cat eye frames.  I'm wondering if she made the right decision.

Baby was having a  bad hair day, so she donned her black fur hat.  I am telling you what, Baby was stylin'.

She could be a cover girl.

I am not saying for what magazine.

September 29, 2012 More Evidence of Kansas Craziness


I did not know that President Obama was the enemy of freedom.

That's all.


September 26, 2012 Tork vs.Torque


I love bathroom humor.  Who doesn't?  Be honest.  Who doesn't love bathroom humor?  I know you do because you are still reading.

Anyway.

Torque: a moment of force; force necessary to rotate an object about an axis.  I think this is a physics term.  I don't know because the closest I've ever been to physics is paying for Luke's physics textbooks.

Tork: in an unknown bathroom somewhere in Manhattan.  What exactly is the "moment of force"?  Is it when something comes out or when something is trying to be cleaned up?  There are just so many questions:  why would you name a toilet paper dispenser "Tork"?  Isn't the first thing people would think of would be "torque"?  Like in "torque wrench"?  I just don't get it.

I'm keeping my eyes open in bathrooms from now on, that's for sure.  There are a lot of funny things to see there.  And I am not talking about the mirror.

While I'm on the subject:  I was in the bathroom today and knew that someone was in the stall next to me.  I was doing my thing when I heard a voice in the next stall say "Hold on".

WHAT THE HELL?????

She was talking on the phone while I was peeing?

WHO DOES THAT?????

WHO TELLS THAT PERSON TO "HOLD ON"?

I must admit that after I heard that, I began making noises that gave both of those people nightmares.

My bet is that she will not talk on her cell phone in the toilet again.

September 22, 2012 iPhones Come to 901 Lilac Lane


When I made the leap to a Smart phone several years ago, the transition was not an easy one.  I liked the flip phone:  you opened it up, punched in a number and you were off!  How easy!  A trained monkey could get the hang of it and CB did.  (Just kidding.  He struggled a bit.)

About a month ago, my Droid Smart phone became possessed.  I tried several local exorcists, but to no avail.  Contacts appeared, then disappeared.  Apps were there, then gone.  Most of the time I was pissed off at it.  But, the devil you know is better than the devil you don't.

Finally, I had enough and went to Verizon for help.  They brought out their best voodoo goddess who could not find my contacts or my photos or my apps.  It was time for a new phone.

I discovered that the iPhone 4 would be free.  FREE! And I would pay for only the accessories I desired.  That sounded good to me and thought I'd upgrade CB while I was there. 

Three and a half hours later (yes, that's what I said:  THREE AND A HALF HOURS) I left with 2 iPhones.  But, since it took so damn long, I got CB's phone AND accessories for free.  I saved a butt load of money. 

I didn't even have to throw a fit or yell or scream or channel my dad or anything.  I just sat there, crippled, with my hands folded in my lap, waiting patiently. 

Was to.

Check the security tape.