February 29, 2012 Happy Leap Year Day!

Last year when I was trying to decide if I should continue with this drivel that has become my daily blog, one of the factors weighing in favor of writing the blog was the fact that in 2012 I'd have one additional day to spew my nonsense out into the universe. That did it. Dang, one extra day! Oh boy!

I've been giving this some thought (no, really, I have) and decided that today I'd list 29 things I'd like to be writing about today.

Here they are, in no particular order:

1. My dad stopped by for a visit and agreed to open a law practice with me; we spent the day talking politics, lamenting the disaster that is the state of Kansas, shaking our heads with wonder at Luke's success and taking full credit for his brains, if not his brawn.

2. My daughter, Priya and her husband Chet, sent tickets for Kimber and me to fly to Australia for a visit this summer. Sydney is lovely in June, I've heard.

3. Rick Santorum was run over by a bus of women on their way to buy birth control pills and had to pull out of the presidential race.

4. Mitt Romney came out as a gay man and, while I love the gay men in my life, I still wouldn't vote for him if he paid me.

5. Frank Martin's head exploded during basketball practice at K State today and his coaching staff is still mopping up the toxic waste in the hopes the Octagon of Doom will be available on Saturday in time for Senior Day.

6. The Kansas Lottery insisted that I have won the Powerball in spite of my insistence that I did not buy a ticket. I may have to capitulate on this one.....

7. Buddy, the Dog from Hell Who Is Allergic To Everything, has been cured.

8. I woke up and somehow over night I lost 90 pounds. Now I weigh what my driver's license says I weigh! Do I have to report that to someone?

9. CB got a hole in one and per our agreement of 12 years, he is going to take me to Tahiti (what with the magical weight loss, I am all over this trip!). Seriously, 12 years ago we agreed that if he ever got a hole in one, we'd go to Tahiti. The fact of the matter is that he HAS had one hole in one and I have yet to see those crystal clear waters.

10. Out of the 100 channels on my television, there was something worth watching last night.

11. The brass at KState discovered Student Legal Services, realized the importance of the program and offered to move it to a professional office. One without drama.

12. A domino tournament has been scheduled for next weekend and all the heavy hitters are coming around to play: Watts, Morrisons, Conklins, Turners, my Momma (except she's not such a heavy hitter, but she provides comic relief). The promise we all made to get together is being honored. I better win, by the way. I don't want to have to cheat, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

13. The new owners of my B and B on Main Street decided they want me to run it. I agreed in record time, my new law firm with my dad notwithstanding.

14. Fred Phelps and all his minions were taken hostage. No one cares.

15. Mandatory naps implemented at Kansas State. Morale soars.

16. President Obama called and said that if Hillary retires, he wants me for Secretary of State. Said something about my bullshit meter and the fact that I have no patience with idiots.

17. I learned the difference between "laying" and "lying".

18. All that shit I have stored in my garage? I found a use for it.

19. Luke explained differential equations to me and I understood completely.

20. Buddy (same dog as in #7) is now perfectly trained. He can sit, roll over, shake, fetch and deliver small packages on command. He is making up for being allergic to EVERYTHING.

21. American voters finally listened to reason, elected only Democrats and prosperity is once again on the horizon.

22. Kimber and I are hired by a travel agency to fly to exotic places and write a blog about our experiences. Oh, and paid very well.

23. I still get to end up with Luke and CB, but I got to live my 20s, 30s and 40s over. Now THAT would make an interesting blog.

24. Fort Hays State University and Washburn University School of Law got the message that I am not going to give them any money and they agree to stop calling.

25. My house stayed dusted.

26. Sarah Palin changed her first name. Thank god. That was one heavy cross to bear.

27. Faux Broadcasting was taken over by the staff of the former Air America Radio. The angels wept with joy. Bill O'Reiley now homeless and someone ripped out his tongue.

28. Russ Limbaugh abducted. No one cares. No. One. Cares. Angels? Still weeping with joy.

29. El Charo (my favorite restaurant) opened a branch in the empty field across the street from my house. I've sold all my kitchen appliances and built a covered walkway.

Enjoy your Leap Year Day!

February 28, 2012 Question Asked and Answered

While waiting for CB to pick me up for lunch today (what a lovely surprise, I might add, seeing my honey mid-day. Add to that a free meal, and I'm sold!) I noticed for the first time this yellow line on Mid Campus Drive.

I believe this lane is for bikes. I've never seen a bike in this bike lane. I wondered why.

I looked to the left, no bikes and no answer to my question.

I looked to the left and behold!, the answer was made clear to me.

The reason that there are no bikes in this bike lane is because....

apparently this bike lane is only for unicycles or bikes with one wheel and a pogo stick where the back wheel should be.

You can bet that I'm going to open the shades of my office windows and keep an eye out for activity in that very special bike lane.

You can also bet that if I see someone riding a unicycle/pogo stick in this bike lane (or any where to be perfectly honest and I am nothing if not perfectly honest) I will literally run out of my office, camera in hand! I'll post that darn picture immediately!

Now, if I were you, I wouldn't hold my breath for either of those things. Oh, the unicycle/pogo stick might come down the bike lane. It's the "literally run out of my office" part that ain't gonna happen. Ever.

Me? Not running. Not a chance.

February 27, 2012 NOT a Do Over

What do you get when you take 4 chicken breasts and cook them for 3 minutes on each side then add 2 sliced apples, 1/2 cup of sliced onions, and pour 1/3 cup of maple syrup and 1/2 cup of Italian dressing over it and bake it for 20 minutes?

You get a meal that you won't ever make again because it tasted like something you'd eat in a hospital.

No flavor and sort of mushy (which would be okay if you didn't want to chew your food, which, frankly, I sort of like doing.)

CB ate his.  Then he ate mine.  I had about 2 bites, said "What was I thinking?" and handed over the rest.

Luke is eating later.  He's in for quite an experience.  I'm not going to warn him because I think a few surprises are good for the soul.

February 26, 2012 Luke Takes Momma Shopping



Let's say you are bored on a Sunday morning.  You'd like to go to breakfast at Bob's Diner in Manhattan, but if you do that, you also have to take your mother grocery shopping.  Grocery shopping, on this occasion, is a major ordeal, i.e. groceries for 2 months.  The question you find yourself asking is this:  Is breakfast at Bob's Diner, wonderful as it is, enough motivation to grocery shop with your mother?

The answer today is Yes!  Yes, it is!

After breakfast, Luke and I attacked Dillons with a shopping list for 2 months worth of groceries, a notebook with 2 months of meal plans and recipes and a handful of coupons.

We were set!  Oh, and Luke remembered all the shopping bags.

We were a well oiled machine, I am here to tell you.

Barely an hour into our shopping adventure, we had filled 2 baskets, barely strayed from our list, found everything but frozen meatballs and were ready to check out.  As we approached the check out lane, we each guessed what the total would be; in spite of all my practice, Luke won (I was $200 over!).  Coupons saved us 9% of the final bill which was around $45.00.  You want to know something cool about the trunk of my new car?  It can hold 2 months worth of groceries AND still have room for a body or two.  If you are in the business of hauling clean shit (as opposed to dirty shit and you totally know what I mean), my car is the car to have.

The best part for me was having Luke carry all the groceries in (that's why I gave birth to him 30 years ago, after all).  I don't mind putting things away, but I hate to lug the shopping bags around. 

To make you scream out loud:  I weighed the hamburger out according to what I need for various recipes, vacuumed packed it and labeled it with weight and name of meal.  I did this will all the meat.  When we got home I popped "Bridesmaids" into the DVD player.  I was wiping down the counter when the final credits rolled.

Nap time followed.

CB cooked supper.

I love a day that is filled with accomplishments. 

I love a day that does not include the question "what are we having for supper?"

February 25, 2012 Dog's Life

If you a dog and your human mom is screaming at one television and your human dad is screaming at another, what do you do?



You throw food out of your dish onto the floor, then come back and eat it later.

And wish that either your parents would find a new college basketball team to watch.

Or that KU would win by more than one point in overtime.  (It was heart attacks all around, folks, during the KU - Mizzou game.  The final game in the Border War was a doozie! But it made Buddy nervous.  Maybe yelling at the TV is not the best way to keep our canine calm?)

February 24, 2012 More Proof I'm In Kansas

You can't tell from this picture but the sticker says "You can have my gun.  Bullets first."

Oh yeah, this is just the mentality I want for people who own guns.

 I bet this "bullets first" guy is proponent of concealed carry, too.  I bet he even wants to allow concealed carry on college campuses.  (Seriously, that's something the Kansas legislature is considering.  When that happens, I retire.  I do not need any one coming in my office with a concealed gun.  They are scary enough already!)

The whole gun control issue pisses me off. 

Own a gun, shoot your food.

Don't shoot your food?

Don't own a gun.

There.  Now that that's sorted, I'll get started on peace in the Middle East.

February 23, 2012 Another Kansas Sky

There is something about a Kansas sky.  When it's cloudless, the blue is vibrant and crisp and the color you want to paint your kitchen if you could find a paint that matches exactly which you can't because it's a color that was made just for the sky over Kansas.

When weather is on the horizon, the sky is just as beautiful but with a bit of mystery; sort of like a woman wearing a veil - think Jackie Kennedy at JFK's funeral.

This was the eastern sky when I was driving home tonight.  Since most of our weather comes from the southwest, I was pretty sure this band of clouds was harmless to my little town but it still looked ominous and that's why I took a picture.

Also, I took this picture because I was pretending that I was driving to Colorado and I could see the mountains!  This "I'm in Colorado" fantasy is much better than my "I've had a bad day and I think I'll drive my car into a dry creek bed" fantasy.

A trip of any length with me (and my imagination) is full of surprises.